You might be a Redneck if....

• Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off.
• You've ever used lard in bed.
• You think potted meat on a saltine is a hors d'oeuvre.
• There is a stuffed possum mounted any where in your home.
• You consider a six pack of beer and a bug zapper quality entertainment.
• Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State trooper to "kiss my Ass".
• The primary color of your car is "Bondo".
• Directions to your house include: "turn off the paved road".
• You honestly believe women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
• Your family tree does not fork.
• You've ever hollered: "Rock the house Bubba" during a piano recital.
• Your mother has ever been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
• You've ever barbecued SPAM on the grill.
• The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
• Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
• You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was snubbed for best motion picture.
• The rear tires on your car are twice as wide as the front ones.
• You prominently display a gift in your house that you bought at Graceland.
• You consider Outdoor Life deep reading.
• Your mother keeps a spit-cup on the ironing board.
• You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
• The most common phrase you hear at a family reunion is: "What are you looking at shithead.
• You think beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
• You think Camphor-phenique is a miracle drug.
• You have more than two brothers named Bubba and Junior.
• You father encourages you to quit school when Larry announces an opening on the lube rack.
• You think Volvo is a part of the female anatomy.
• You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
• You have a rag for a gas cap.
• You had a toothpick in your mouth when you had your wedding picture taken.
• Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
• You have a "Hefty bag" for a passenger side window on your car.
• Your house doesn't have any curtains- but your truck does.
• Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
• After making love, you have to ask your date to roll down the window.
• You have a picture of Willie Nelson or Johnnie Cash over your fireplace.
• You still have an 8-track tape player in your car or house.
• Your idea of safe sex doesn't include anyone else.
• You have ever bar-be-qued hamburgers at the driver-in theater.
• You liked the velvet picture of Elvis that someone in a van sold you beside the highway better than anything you saw at an art show or museum.
• You own more than three shirts with cut-off sleeves.
• You have ever driven down the road with your seat belt hanging out of the door making sparks.
• You have ever spray-painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
• Someone asks to see your ID, and you show them your belt buckle.
• Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
• You have ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.
• Jack Daniels is on your list of most admired people.
• You see no need to stop at a rest stop because you have an empty milk jug in the car.
• You have ever had to scratch your sister or girlfriend's name out of the message "For a good time, call _______."
• The Red Man Chewing Tobacco Co. sends you a Christmas card.
• You bought a VCR because wrestling comes on while you're at work.
• You view the next family reunion as a great chance to meet a woman.
• Your wife has a beer gut, and you think it's attractive.
• You call your boss "Dude."
• You have ever been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
• You get an estimate from the barber before he cuts your hair.
• You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
• Less than half the cars that you own run.
• You take your friends outside to watch the rabbits breed.
• Your favorite hangout is the Phillips 66 near the freeway.
• You mow your lawn with a tractor.
• You think rabbits are food, not pets.
• You weigh four pounds more after you find your keys.
• Your favorite Olympic event is American Gladiators.
• Your three heroes are Bear Bryant, George Wallace and Lynyrd Skynyrd.