Why a Cucumber is Better than a Man

  1. A cucumber can't get you pregnant.
  2. A cucumber doesn't care if it's your first cucumber.
  3. A cucumber doesn't get jealous if you hang out with other vegetables.
  4. A cucumber never leaves the toilet seat up.
  5. A cucumber never snores.
  6. A cucumber stays hard even when pickled.
  7. A cucumber stays hard for weeks.
  8. A cucumber will never give you whisker burns.
  9. A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is.
  10. A cucumber won't come home late, stinking of beer.
  11. A cucumber won't fall asleep on your chest or drool on the pillow.
  12. A cucumber won't give you VD, Herpes or Aids.
  13. A cucumber won't grab cash from your purse while you're asleep.
  14. A cucumber won't have to ask if you came.
  15. A cucumber won't lie to you.
  16. A cucumber won't make you sleep on the wet spot.
  17. A cucumber won't need to be sucked off.
  18. A cucumber won't run off with a cheerleader or an ex-nun.
  19. A cucumber won't tell you that size doesn't matter.
  20. A cucumber won't turn on All Star Wrestling afterwards.
  21. A cucumber won't want to come on your face.
  22. All cucumbers are fresh and juicy.
  23. Cucumbers don't jam the freezer with food you don't like.
  24. Cucumbers don't mind if you enjoy them and a movie at the same time.
  25. Cucumbers don't need condoms to have "Nubs for Added Pleasure".
  26. Cucumbers don't stay up until 4 and then demand that you take care of them when they get sick.
  27. If a cucumber gets soft, you throw it away.
  28. If you're hungry afterwards, you can eat the cucumber.
  29. Nobody calls you a bigot for having a favorite kind of cucumber.
  30. The cucumbers you raise don't desert you.
  31. You can buy different sized cucumbers to fit your mood.
  32. You can carry a cucumber in your purse for emergencies.
  33. You can fondle a cucumber and then put it back on the shelf.
  34. You can have more than one cucumber a night and not feel guilty.
  35. You can keep several cucumbers on hand at one time.
  36. You can loan a good cucumber to a friend in need.
  37. You can store a cucumber in the refrigerator when not in use.
  38. You know the size of a cucumber BEFORE you bring it home.
  39. You never have to feed a cucumber's ego.
  40. You won't find out that a cucumber is:
    1. married
    2. on penicillin
    3. trying to screw your sister
  41. Your mother won't flip out finding a cucumber in your house.